Can you really unlove someone?

Mini demons piercing the heart, memories that disrupt the mind, shattered little puzzles of hope – the morbid reality of falling in love. It’s like sending yourself to an all-out-war. You hope you won’t die, you’re aware you may, but you never expect it to be that soon.

We fall in love. We get hurt.

We fall in love. We get hurt.

We fall in love. We get hurt.

Yet, we all never seem to learn.

We hope that they’re different, they’ll be our happily ever after and the “last guy/ girl we’ll love.”  Every. Single. Time.

It’s a planet-wide problem. People of all ages, race, gender and status encounter at some point in their life. And it doesn’t matter how much it’ll hurt in the end, because it’s the greatest feeling we’ll encounter despite challenges. And no matter how much love hurts. It keeps life intact.

I raise the question, “how do you stop loving someone?”

I asked a few friends for their insights. For the list they offered, it all boils down to two things.

DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION.

Swing your thoughts to things that make you happy. Keep yourself from thinking about the past. You can’t just kill the feeling.. but you can make yourself create reasons not to remind yourself of the person for the time being. Do that a lot, and you’ll find yourself forgetting what once was there.

Fall in love…with yourself.

How many times do you need to remind yourself that you need to be cautious not to break your already bandaged heart? Once? Twice? Ten times? Learn to value yourself a bit more. Leave love for yourself so you’ll know when is the right time to let go. No one will exactly know how you feel for someone, and it’s only you who can save yourself.

But despite all…

LOVE IS NOT SCIENCE NOR MATH.

A friend told me once before that love needs no thinking. It’s not a logical equation that has a definite or correct answer. It’s not an experiment that needs several studies to work out. Because when love comes, it doesn’t choose. It needs no reason and it needs no answers. It comes out for you to feel.

But finally, WHAT IF THE ANSWER IS… YOU never do? 

I’m quoting my friend ate Lev, “Once you love someone and you leave them, whether you like it or not, a tiny sliver of love still remains somewhere inside you…”

I’m not actually passing through any love crisis. But it made sense- a lot of sense. You actually don’t. Because once you love someone, you’re sharing a part of yourself to them, and them to you. And no matter what, memories is what binds you. You can’t unlove someone like poofing rabbits in magician hats. You just learn to accept the fact that they want to continue a life without you being part of it. It takes long.. but it doesn’t take too long, for wounds heal with time and stopping your feeling unnaturally is like regretting you ever have to love them before.

A HENS NIGHT TO REMEMBER OR NOT TO REMEMBER

Veil, flowers, fancy gowns and an altar- the wedding season is fast approaching no doubt. But before the excitement of finishing whatever is necessary for A life-changing day, is the prior bachelorette party that will surely be the next thing you will (or will not) recall after your wedding.

With the mass exodus of women who take part in these is an unending list of activities to make the day just as important as tying the knot. These events vary from country to country but are usually just a one-time experience for any bride-to-be… lest she has a thing for getting married more than once. So this should be a worthwhile experience.

But apparently, even though the idea of an all-nighter or a weekend getaway with your girls sounds rather amusing, is the question attached with any hen’s party.

Why is it necessary to pay for activities where the idea is to have the bride answer ridiculous questions or leaving her dancing on top of a table, or raunchy dares that will question her participation?

In fact, hen’s party is just as hated by many as much as a lot embrace them. By judging from the number of people who still patronize this kind of tradition if we may call it, it is still something guaranteed to be remembered five, ten, or even 20 years from now, be it a good or humiliating experience. Celebrating the last days of freedom of the bride is first thing to consider. And once everyone agrees that the theme and activities should be tailoring around the celebrant’s wants, things won’t go wrong.

Prior to the bachelorette party is a list of questions on the groom –to-be; a range of ideas, from how he felt during the proposal, to actually asking his partner’s favorite sexual position and location. It will be something private but undeniably something to laugh (or discuss) about.

One of the considered bright ideas for an activity is twisting up one of the classic children’s game, Pin the Tail on the Donkey… but only it’s a man’s tail you’ll all be pinning after being blindfolded and spun around. It will surely be a giggling matter just like when you were kids.

Another one is the Balloon Pin where everyone besides the bride writes a question or two on a piece of paper rolled and placed inside a balloon or balloon-shaped man parts if they’re actually available. After blowing them, the bride gains the right to choose which kind of man-part inflatable she likes best from the lot and pop it to answer the cringe-worthy questions. This can even go on the rest of the night as a commercial break for other activities.

But setting aside the naughty activities, some toned down events can also happen. This includes getting decent and proper (or maybe not so much) marriage advices, tips on boosting men’s sexual pleasure and foreplay ideas from the more experienced of the group… such as the mother or sister-in-law. Who knows, the bride might also discover a thing or two about his groom! It’s not yet too late to call off the wedding.

But between the slightly illicit dares and tamed Q&As is getting to know the bride-to-be, the bridesmaids and her close friends more. It’s like a girl’s night out, but filled with humiliation, penis talk and booze. It’s actually a win-win situation.

Variety spices up life, so doing unusual and ridiculous things might just be the thing to escape the daily dose of norm. And whether or not it leaves a bride laughing her gums out or cursing everyone, it is indeed one memorable experience for everyone.


This is a ‘test’ article I submitted to a potential client. Sadly, according to a writer I look up to, Karen of Untamed Writing. Free trials are a no-no. But since the did has been done, I’ll be posting it here since technically, this is an unpaid job.

I Love You, Then Not at All

Innocent glances, then mindful stares- it held long, I lost count after 3 seconds. It was a continuous channel of thoughts… like I knew you very well, from somewhere before. You smiled, I reciprocated. and that’s when my biggest mistake started.

We allowed ourselves to exchange a mutual feeling, so I thought. I was stuck in the whole idea of love in fairy tales. That one day, my prince charming would arrive and claim me. We’ll look into each other’s eyes and realize we’re bound for love. It was a common thing between us. It felt as if I was your world, it felt as if I was the perfect one that completed you and you to me. I gave myself in, gave myself up to the feeling of love, to the feeling of completeness.

But then, I realized I should have associated love as a dream instead of a fairy tale. Where nightmares are also dreams. and that I shouldn’t have woken up from my slumber with the thought of a possible forever.

I asked myself then, was it the right time to fall? and if I do, would anyone… anything catch me? But then, I grew up as a hard-headed child. Not that my parents didn’t raise me well, but rather children want to explore a lot and it’s better to take things from experience than word of mouth from  the histories of whenever.

I fell. It started fast.. and when I saw what’s beneath clearing into my perspective, everything went to a slow motion. Time was ticking. I can hear my heartbeat. And to the last second before I met my fate, I was still hoping you’ll catch me. But you didn’t. I only expected of bruises the moment I let you enter in my life. But I didn’t know that love actually has more than that. I was foolish and innocent who knew nothing of life- of all.

I was caught by a glass held by two cliffs. And the moment I tried to regain myself, little shattered piece caught up with my fall. It pierced through my heart like tiny little demons who know nothing of feelings, much like me..

I wanted to just die then and there. But I realized. Love… love is good the way it is. When people get hurt, they will value it even more.

But despite that, it’s exactly how Paulo Coehlo describes it in Eleven Minutes, “love is a terrible thing that will make you suffer.”

 

Dear future husband, dear last love

I always believed that I’m actually a princess sent to a glorious mission of finding herself and will be taken by my royal parents- the king and queen at a certain age. I always wanted to marry a prince, Prince Charming perhaps, since he has captivated a lot of Disney hearts. I had myself believing in the happy ever after and that all things come to what pleases anyone’s heart as a childhood tale of ideals I  should say. That any needs of the world can be fed when you have the so-called ‘true love.’ But later on as puberty permits, it was a significant part realizing that life is not a scripted narrative that tells the same story for everyone; It doesn’t always end in happy endings, and if they do, the journey to that destination is a rough ride.

So, love, honey, baby, sweetie, or whatever I will be calling you then, thank you for deciding to make a fairy tale with me despite all the many princesses you have met along the way. I have never intended myself to end life with love. That, in the sense that I am content with what I probably have before you came into my peaceful life. But for whatever reason, captivating my heart and accepting I am bound for love is one of the best feelings I probably will be feeling.

Constant fights, redundant nagging, rolling of eyes and silent talking- a few of the bunch of things we would be facing, but I know we will pass through it with no doubts of the feeling we both know are genuine. A feeling we both planted and watered with memories of love, lust, and possession through the years we both thought could only exist in a children’s fictional literary. We wrote our own story and defy the after stories that ended when Prince Charming married Snow White and all those other bitches in some parallel universe.

I hope I am still making you food at 4am despite the fact that cooking doesn’t like me. I hope I still ask how was your day at work everyday. I hope I won’t be too busy attending to every other thing besides you. I hope I can prove that meeting, befriending, courting and marrying me is one of the best decisions you will make. Because I promise I will never get tired of hearing how the last FIBA or FIFA cup went nor will I make you feel the need to make up to me when you say I’m gaining weight.

It’s been long since that day when you dropped on your knees, opened a box that held little, but meant a whole lot. and here we are, celebrating another year of passing through the many obstacles life throws to our track. And we begin another lap of another year, wanting each other more, it will feel like falling in love again, only deeper. and I will, I say I will, fall in love with you again over and over again on each and every after life.

And as Plato says as such ‘powerful beings’, “Now, since their natural form had been cut in two, each one longed for its own other half, and so they would throw their arms about each other, weaving themselves together, wanting to grow together.” I know I have finally met my other half in Symposium.

Breakeven: The Act of Moving On

I’ve heard of several stories that tell different plots, tales that offer different casts, settings, and flow. Almost each one connects to one common consequence. The act of moving on.

For some reason, moving on seems out of the question. Just like love, it’s duration is without a single hint from our expectations. More so how we act upon the situation or the duration of this so-called ‘life-goes-on’ state bringing us to the point of being intertwined with reality.

Breakeven

“What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?” A part of the lyrics from the song by The Script, Breakeven. Breakups are done for when things no longer go the way they used to and cannot be healed once again, but how do we move forward when all that we can offer was always that someone?

Hurting is one thing that most certainly equips each side, but like the song says, “When a heart breaks, no it don’t break even.” Yes, it doesn’t. One party would surely be more hurt than the other. One suffers more than the other. It is pretty much one-sided and is therefore difficult since the person who helps you bear all the pain is the reason for it.

Envisioning reality

I know people who encountered these kind of conflict within themselves, how it appears to be near impossible to continue life without the presence of the other, how we seem to wake up each day hoping that the shattered pieces would be mend once again, how we reminisce the former bond that we once had thought to be perfect.

Armen, a 21-year old college student broke up with his girlfriend for almost a year now. Fate seems to play with them as their relationship ended much sooner than expected. Devoting his 8 months to his partner and ending up with none. He thought that may be, going out with someone else would divert his attention and start to forget about his ex. Eventually realizing that he still has not yet totally moved on with his ex besides the fact that he was dating another.

“Malungkot [ako] para sa kanya. Kasi alam ko mahal niya ko pero, ‘di ko kaya eh. Di ganun nararamdaman ko ‘tsaka ayaw ko pa talaga. Di pa ko ready ulit. Nandiyan yung takot na masaktan, namimiss yung nakaraan at ayaw ko talagan ng anumang hadlang sa kasalukuyan. Alam mo na, busy bee lang peg natin ngayon. Haha.”

(I feel sad for her. I know she loves me, but I can’t.. I don’t feel the same way and I think I don’t want any relationships yet. I’m not yet ready yet. I’m afraid to get hurt, missing the past, and I don’t want any hindrance to what is happening in the present. I’m too busy nowadays.)

At times he recalls the moments he spent together with his ex, the memories that have made up his smiles and dates that he looked forward to. As he steps one at a time, remembering the old days of their relationship, he knew that it is now a lost puzzle piece that became a part of himself with no assurance if the emptiness will be fill in by the new person that came into his life. Subconsciously comparing them, unintentionally missing the other. But he concludes that up to this day, he still reminisces those times but with no feelings, just plain remembering. But the fact that he had hurt the feelings of the other fills in his conscience. Not knowing how to tell the person that he is not interested and pursuing it more would mean more pain and difficulty.

Behind the Scenes

What makes moving on difficult? No matter how we perceive things, no one can truly explain how, why or how long moving on will take place. Some say that moving on will only be complete when you have found someone better to replace the former.

“‘Di ko rin alam eh. Madalas miss ko siya [ex]. Andiyan yung mga bagay na magpapaalala sa kanya. Mga pangyayari, mga lugar kung saan kayo dati magkasama, mga ganun..” he answered when asked about why moving on is difficult for him.

(I don’t know.. Often times I miss my ex. Things that make me remember her, events, places we often hang out before.. those things..)

Waking up to reality that now is not like before is frustrating. When we look forward for another day knowing that he or she is yours and that you are his. And when the sad moment of breaking up occurs, we tend to get used to the earlier days and take time to adjust to reality. No matter how much we deny, we start to compare him or her to the people that have come into our life. Undecipherable it may be, how love can work, how it seem to manipulate our thoughts and haunt us to the ghost of our fantasies and ideals.

Regards to my best friend Armen (http://maypinaghuhugutan.blogspot.com) for suggesting about this blog post. Lels.

Overused Words

Often times I wonder how to differ the sincere words from deceitful ones. It seems that words today are used mainly as fillers for conversations and not how they are supposed to be. Words used as regular as “a”, “an” or “the”.

1. Sorry.

“Sorry” is often said when a person commits a mistake. But nowadays, ‘sorry’ doesn’t seem to imply as a sincere apology but rather the obliged thing to say. It’s like removing the guilt feeling from one’s self since apology has been said, be it sincerely or not. And no matter how much we deny it, at some point in our life, we have done the same thing- apologizing for the sake of apologizing. It’s still something after all.

 

2. I’m fine.

I’m fine, I’m okay, I’m alright. Don’t these words contain the same meaning, repeated over situations usually involving a fight? It’s like saying you are not worth the time for them to explain there concerns which primarily why you are asking in the first place. It’s like saying I am tired of explaining so I rather shut up and pretend I’m fine rather than waste time and efforts trying to make you understand the situation.

 

3. I Miss You.

Missing someone seem to have a different meaning to others. Some people say they miss you but do not even exert efforts to be with you or even see you. They might have other things to do to not prioritize you, but if don’t you think if they really do, won’t they find a way to put you IN their schedule, even for just a short time?

 

4. I Love You.

Love may be defined as several adjectival words, blind, unconditional, sacrificial and the likes. All may be true, but to sum it up into my opinion, love is when you see imperfections but still love the person perfectly. One question I’ve been pondering about is why people tend to say this without really meaning every word of it. It is easy to say after all, but to justify the statement is a different thing.

Like in a relationship, both parties might say “I love you” a billion times but not mean a single one of them. It’s like being more of an obligation because of commitment rather than putting the feelings into words.

 

These words are used by people mostly on their daily lives. Mean it or not, these words as they are used momentarily already seem to be neglecting the real meaning of each phrase. How overused words seem to take over discussions as filler in conversations.

I Like You but I Love Him

Many times have I asked myself how like and love differs, why love seem to dominate decisions and like seem to care less. Love seem to make the world go round. It can make people do things that are against their dignities and principles. And like? Isn’t that where love started?

Like is when you would want to see him everyday.

Love is when you would want to hang out with him everyday.

Like is when you look forward to his text messages.

Love is when you don’t sleep at night when having a conversation with him.

Like is when you spend every minute admiring his assets.

Love is when you see his assets on your child.

Like is when you become turned off on simple imperfections.

Love is when you notice imperfections but love him otherwise.

Like is when you look forward to seeing him.

Love is when you wake up each day to see him.

Like is when it sends butterflies to your stomach when he does something sweet.

Love is when you want to stop the time just to cherish the moment.

In my incumbent experience, I have learned to look forward for specific days to attend school just to see this certain someone. He is not my type, yet he never fails to send me butterflies over simple acts. Yet, because of the existence of my ex, I am holding back. I don’t want things to be repeated and I rather treasure our friendship than have it developed. Do I still love my ex? I don’t know.. but if this is still love I am feeling, it defines how like and love can be of different levels of interest and intimacy.

Love can bring you joy yet make you shed tears. It can complete your day or shatter your week. Love is always greater than like. You may like someone, but you may love someone at the same time for you not to develop your feelings for that person. Love cannot be controlled. Your mind might say “no” but your heart would say “go”. It is really un-explainable how love can influence and affect a person.